A few months ago I decided that I would have a nose job to see if it could open up doors in my acting career.
I was always aware growing up that I had a prominent nose; not that it bothered me much, why would it? It didn’t even get to me when friends and family would playfully refer to me as beaky or big nose. As far as I am concerned I am beautiful on the inside and therefore beautiful on the outside (with a characterful nose).
The first time I really got upset was six years ago. I had been involved in a low budget film which I felt incredibly passionate about and I was excited to see how it would be received by family and friends. What I hadn’t expected was for it to get huge Internet interest. Opening the YouTube video, I headed straight to the comments. There I found lots of high fives and congratulatory messages but then, my eyes fell on the words “What an ugly b***ch, her nose is huge!”. I stared at it, tears in my eyes. Why was anyone judging my looks? I hadn’t put myself in to a beauty contest, it was a film, if your gonna publicly criticise then criticise my acting.
Over the following weeks the nasty comments continued to surface, I even received an email telling me never to act on screen again because my face offended their eyes. My response to all of these messages was to bat them away, assuming that these trolls where sad, insecure people who had nothing better to do with their time than to spread hate. The problem is these comments stay with you and grow inside your mind so that every time you see yourself, all you can see are the flaws. The final straw came when a casting director told me to cut a certain clip from my showreel because it made my nose look huge.
I also began noticing that of all the females on our screens, very few had a nose like mine. Does my nose actually stop me from getting work?
I’m regularly getting close but rarely being booked for screen work…
The final straw came when I had an incident with a door leaving my nose broken and more crooked than before. Having saved up the £4,500 that I needed I finally booked my surgery. I’m excited to think that this could give my career a boost but scared about changing my face. What if it looks worse? What if I don’t like it?
And why am I having to do this, simply because I don’t fit in to industry standard?
The big day is tomorrow…so I guess only time will tell, I do wish I could fast forward two weeks.
Wish me luck!